Wilma, a few minutes ago!
I think it would be a understatement to say we had a great Christmas Day, all the family together. I had taken time to do most of the preparations, everything was set and would you believe I was one minute late! I had planned to load the heated trolley before the Queen's speach at 3pm but wasn't quite ready and did not want to leave anyunattended food in the kitchen, following last years incident with the beef joint!
This was my action plan!
Melon Cocktail White desert dishes
Chipolatas On large rectangular dish serve on plate
Yorkshire puddings
Gravy
Roast Parsnips Hostess dish
Roast potatoes Hostess dish
Vegetable Bake (Potatoes, Cauliflower cheese, cabbage, onion, carrot, green beans, cream, cheese.) Large rectangular dish
British King Edward Creamy Mash White covered tureen
Button Sprouts Hostess dish
Stuffing Balls Hostess dish
Beef
Lamb
Turkey
Pork
Pheasant
Cook meats over night – take out at 1.30 to rest
Am
Defrost
Vegetable bake
Sprouts
Stuffing
Chipolatas
Put crackling in
Put gravy in fridge to separate
Defrost vegetable bake. Place in bottom oven then move to hostess trolley @ 3pm
Defrost stuffing balls & place in dish, in hostess trolley @ 2.55pm
Cook & mash potatoes Then place in white turrines @ 3pm Hostess Trolley
Cook frozen sprouts & place in dish, move to hostess trolley @ 2.55pm
Cook roast parsnips and potatoes.
Place in dishes, in trolley @ 3pm.
Heat Yorkshire puddings with defrosted chipolatas place in large bowl ready to assemble on plates.
Put gravy in pan.
Sit down to watch Queen’s speech.
Get gravy…then enjoy!
A few days ago I had the idea to make our own crackers. I located a "bang" supplier, 144 for £5!
and I set to work on the cracker making. I made our oen individual hats out of newspapers and magazines and printed off jokes for each of our family!
here are a few snippets...
Mavis, Jon's mum who is hooked on solitaire! LOL!
A Scoutmaster was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes, Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scoutmaster.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and al laptop with solitaire."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the laptop with solitaire?" asked the Scoutmaster impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!'"
Andrew (Musician, shortly to study music at university.
In the 22nd century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a light source?
Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army camp?
A flat major.
What do you say to an army officer just as you are about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
Be flat, major.
Jon(His mum lives in Guisborough!)
A man stops by the local Garage to have his car fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry his purchases home.
While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to Guisborough ?" The man said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live there,. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time" The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, and ravish me?"
The man said, "Good Heavens lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."
Ben ( Shortly to join the navy)
Three guys, one Navy, one Army and one Royal Marine are taking the test to join the SAS. They have all passed the mental and physical sections and are down to the final interview.
Guy from the Navy walks in to be confronted by the SAS Head Shed who gives him a gun and says, "There are 6 bullets in that, your wife is upstairs, go up and kill her".
The guy disappears but comes back 2 minutes later to say,
"Sorry I really want to be in the SAS but she's my wife and I love her"
"Sorry" says Head Shed,” But if you can't take orders, we don't want you"
Guy from Army walks in and the same thing happens, he gets the gun and is told to go upstairs and kill his wife, but also can't do it, so is told to thin out.
The Marine walks in and is given the gun. Off he goes and suddenly 6 shots ring out from upstairs, followed by an almighty commotion, and 10 minutes later he walks back into the room drenched in sweat.
He looks at the Head Shed and chucks the gun at him saying, "You swine, they were blanks, I had to strangle the woman!!!"
Steve (Maureen's Canadian Partner!)
A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!"
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."
Maureen
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewellery,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and
back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked,
Bring beer.
Richard
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Adolph
Adolph who?
Adolph ball hit me in de mowf.
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Keith
Keith who?
Keith me, thweet heart!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aardvark!
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid down and be quiet!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ada!
Ada who?
Ada burger for lunch!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adair!
Adair who?
Adair once but I'm bald now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Adelia!
Adelia who?
Adelia the cards and we'll play snap!
Denise
What do you call a farmer who used to like farm machinery?
An ex-tractor fan.
What do you call the cat who ate a duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-puss.
What do you call a hippy's wife?
Mississippi.
What do you call a snake who is employed by the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you get if you cross a snake with a set of building blocks?
A boa constructor.
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A bite in shining armour.
What do you get if you cross a thief with an orchestra?
Robbery with violins.
What do you call a man who walks through the autumn leaves?
Russell.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with 4 leaf clovers?
A rash of good luck!
What do you get when a dinosaur has a car accident?
Tyrannosarus wrecks
What do you call a barber who cuts hair in a library?
A barbarian!!
What do you call a rock group with Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Handel, and Chopin?
The Decomposers.
Q: What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?
A: Decalfinated
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?
A brush with the law.
What do you call a man with sports equipment on his head?
Jim
What do you call a woman with a cat on her head?
Kitty
What do you call a woman with a nut tree on her head?
Hazel
What do you get if you cross a baby with a ufo?
An unidentified crying object.
Q: What do you call a psychic dwarf that just escaped from prison?
A: A small Medium at large.
What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
The same middle name.
We had an absolute riot!
Above you can see the hat I made for Jon!
Well, we are still partying. Tonight we are going to Jon's mums with the nephews for more drinkypoops and eats. We are enjoying the holidays and I hope evrybody has had a wonderful time.
Watch this space!





















































